I DON'T LIKE THE TWINS ANYMORE

Losers, losers, losers. I hope they turn it around tonigh.... wait day game? Wait for it, wait for it.... losers. The home town nine slipped into the South Side (presumably their hotel was on the North Side because hotels around US Cellular Field are made of cardboard) only 2 1/2 games back and will take the Mega Bus to Cleveland (Pohlad's still the owner bear in mind) back 6 1/2 as the South Side Rats bent them over and made the Twins call them Daddy.

Minnesota had built an early 5-2 lead courtesy of the bats of Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel against Chicago left-hander John Danks. A three-run third inning for the Twins began with Cuddyer's RBI single to center and Jason Kubel's two-run double to right. Cuddyer then drove in two more runs in the fifth with a double to left field.

Whoo!! Lock down mode, let's go 'pen!

But with the Twins holding that three-run lead, Perkins walked Jim Thome (no) with one out in the bottom of the fifth. Right-hander Jesse Crain replaced Perkins and got into trouble. He gave up a two-run homer to Nick Swisher (this is going poorly), his second long ball of the game, to pull Chicago within one.

Matt Guerrier then came in for the seventh. A leadoff double by Orlando Cabrera (Renteria's best man I hear) put the tying run on base. Guerrier (3-2) gave up another hit before Carlos Quentin grounded into a fielder's choice, scoring Cabrera and knotting the game at 5.

This team is taking years off my life.

It wouldn't remain tied for long. Paul Konerko hit his second home run of the season vs. the Twins, a two-run shot to right field, which gave Chicago a 7-5 lead.

The Twins will try to right the ship in America's most beautiful city, home of Drew Carey, colorful air, and hosts of fat women with dubious morals. Twins baseball! Bullpen optional!

BONSER AND HIS STUPID GOATEE HEADED TO BULLPEN

Boof Bonser (although it might be Skeet Ulrich) was finally sent to the bullpen in favor of Scott Baker. Ouch. The only time you should be replaced by Scott Baker in anything is when the director of the commercial comes up to you and says "Buddy, you just aren't young enough to look like an eleven year old enjoying his Micro Machines anymore".

As for what Bonser's role will be in relief, Gardenhire said that it will depend on where the pitcher is needed in the upcoming days.

"We'll use him however we can," Gardenhire said. "I'm not afraid to put him anywhere out there."

Really? Because I'm afraid to put Boof on the hill in any situation where there is a batter waiting to strike the ball.

In other news, apparently Nick Punto is still alive and he wants back on the team. This is welcoming news as the Twins need that jolt in the lineup, the guy who will dive when it's unnecessary, not work the pitcher, and pop up to the catcher when runners are in scoring position. You thought the Twins were good now? You just wait!

BLACKBURN IS ALSO THE FRENCH WORD FOR POPPED COLLAR

Nick Blackburn took one off the coconut but the bullpen held up their end of the bargain as the Twins pulled out the 5-1 victory. After a number of tests by alleged "doctors" (don't trust them myself, I'll stick with my leaches thank you very much) it was announced that Blackburn wouldn't even miss a start, leading me to believe he was faking the whole time. Go back to your Italian League Soccer you pussy!

"It feels way better than I thought it possibly could," Blackburn said.

Blackburn was limited in his activity on Monday. The Twins' training staff wanted the swelling in his face to subside some, although it was already drastically reduced from the previous day when he iced it "every 20 minutes until like 1 a.m."

The right-hander is still scheduled to throw his between-starts bullpen session on Tuesday, and Blackburn said he expects to make his next outing on Friday in Chicago.

He might not miss his next start because of this alleged liner to the chops (conspiracy if you ask me, did you see the direction his head darted backwards? Faker.) but he might have to miss it if he trips on his skirt.