THE TIGERS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SUCK

Casual baseball fans are retarded. The Tigers have started the season 0-7 and everyone who knows nothing about baseball is panicking like an unemployed Sherpa in Kansas (a-thank you). ESPN (Eastern Sensationalist Propaganda Nonsense) is throwing up stats like 'NO TEAM THAT STARTED 0-7 HAS EVER MADE THE POST SEASON! IF YOU LIVE IN DETROIT, GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE THEY HIT 0-10!" This isn't football, an 0-7 start means nothing. It's like starting a basketball game and going down 7-0 in like the first two minutes. Here are some stats you need to pay attention to:

- There are 155 games left to play and the Tigers are 5 games back. Yeah, time to start packing up for the winter.
- No team has ever started 0-7 and made the post season. True, but I can also bet all those teams had some fucknut named Duffy Dwyer batting three hole hitting .250 on the year with 14 or less jacks, not dudes who could start on any team in the league 1-9.
- Miggity Cabriggity is 2/20 thus far. Yeah, he's going to rock .100 for the rest of the year, then go home to his big pile of cash and laugh like a scoundrel.
- Granderson is hurt.
- Most teams will have a swoon like this.
- Detroit is a terrible city, new players getting used to playing in complete poverty.

Detroit will probably win the Central still, but if they go 0-162, I will buy everyone who is pushing the panic button already a delicious steak dinner. The people in Detroit could use it. Ya know, cause of the poverty.