CARLOS GOMEZ IS LUCKY

With the demotion to the Ro-chester the molester Red Wings of Denard "I'll Make People Forget About Hunter, I Swear!" Span, it has become clear that something named Carlos Gomez will be replacing the perennial Gold Glover in Center Field. Along with Span, the hometown nine gave the proverbial "Don't let the door hit you where the Lord split you" to Jason Pridie, Phillip Humber (the golden calf from the Santana trade), and Denny Hocking wannabe Brian Buscher.

To summarize, we replaced a dude who has racked 192 dingers while basically placing a giant vortex in center with a guy who is 20 minutes older than me and hit .232 last year in 58 games, easily beating out the left fielder by committee of the Twins a year ago for the Nick Punto honorary MVP Award. On the up and up, Gomez (whose nickname will hence forth me Chucky 4000) hit .286 this Spring with six driven in and 10 thieves in 15 contests, which means if this was 2005, he'd be batting 3 hole and we'd be told that he makes Willie Mays look like a child pornographer (thank you James Lipton).

If Gomez can get an OBA of .350 and swipe 40 bases or more, Torii Hunter and his 90 million dollars and $35,000 braces will not not be missed as much as most people, your humble narrator included, will think. Let us all raise our Strohs Light and hope Chucky 4000 gets on base a ton and runs, runs, runs. Either that or inject him with HGH and have him eat nothing but steak after steak and try to get 25 jacks out of him. Both options I'm cool with.