Finally realizing that it is useless to line his ever present coffin with hundred dollar bills,
Scrooge McDuck Carl Pohlad opened up his wallet and gave All-Star closer/fabulous dancer Joe Nathan a new three year contract.
The Minnesota Twins have locked up franchise closer Joe Nathan into the next decade.
The Twins and Nathan agreed to terms on a three-year contract extension with a club option for 2012, the team announced Monday.
Financial terms were not disclosed, but ESPN.com reported that the righthander will receive between $11-12 million annually.
In the past 12-13 months the Twins have signed Mauer, Morneau, Cuddy, and now Nathan to contract extensions while shipping off Hunter to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County in Southern California in the Northern Hemisphere and Jo-hizzle to the New York 7 1/2 games ahead Mets. Apparently as he turns around and sees Death's hand constantly reaching for him, Pohlad gave direction to Bill Smith to make the clubhouse full of those guys in High School who worked on their trucks, had a banging hot girlfriend for some reason, and spoke maybe 17 words a year. Thank God we shipped off Torri and Johan, the two guys who weren't mimes in the entire clubhouse. They were obviously annoying Mauer to the point that it hurt his knee. Grad students, if you need to get studying done, there's not a quieter place in America than the Twins clubhouse. Unless Delmon is throwing bats. Just don't wear ump colors.
With this new chunk of change being dropped on him, Joe Nathan was quoted as saying he's going to pay off his student loans, buy a new F-Series (or whatever the devil people are driving to their ice houses), and use the rest to buy crate upon crate of whatever medication it takes to alleviate his severe case of Tourette Syndrome.
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